AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:04 pm

"If you're avoiding me because of it, it's my business too. So I really couldn't care less if I'm better off not knowing." He says, his voice straining. He's terrified of what the answer could be, but even the worst answer is better than him not even looking his way anymore.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:18 pm

"Trust me," he says, quiter than he means to. It hurts. The thought of Ludger not knowing hurts almost as bad as the thought of him finding out.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:27 pm

"I do. I trust you. It's why I have to know." His voice softens. "You're not even looking at me anymore." He looks... almost sad. He catches his eyes for only a second. "Tell me what happened."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:30 pm

Julius swallows back emotions rising up in his throat. And then he spills everything he knows.

"We're brothers," he says plainly. Unceremoniously. Matter of factly. As unemotional as possible but they still seeped into his voice. "...I'm sure you're aware of what that means."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:37 pm

"Brothers... huh." A... brother? And said brother is Julius? He pauses, furrowing his brow. He crosses his arms over and looks aside, heaving a sigh. He immediately believes him purely because Julius has no reason to lie about that. Not after how he'd been behaving.

"...How do you feel? Knowing that, and combining it with how you feel about me?" He asks, finally, looking him in the eyes. "Be honest."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:47 pm

"Conflicted," Julius replied honestly. He buried his head in his hands. "We shouldn't be doing this anymore. It's...beyond the kind of wrong our relationship has been in the first place."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 9:55 pm

Ludger nods in thought, arms still crossed over his chest. Examining his own feelings has always been a challenge, seeing as he usually just stifles them and ignores them. With Julius it's become different, so the fact that it's become even worse for them to be together makes him feel... nothing.

"...I feel like I should be disgusted. Or angry. Or something?" He looks to him again. "...But I don't really care. I should, sure, but I really just don't. I love you." He says those words for the first time. They feel wrong on his lips--the last time he even said them was to his mother. "I don't care if you're my brother, but if it makes you sick, then we'll stop."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:04 pm

"...give me time," Julius finally says. "I just need time to think."

He says this. But it's so much more complicated than just them being brothers. Ludger just didn't know yet. And that made things even worse.

Julius sighed deeply and prepared himself for the upcoming mission.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:14 pm

He nods, though there's a hint of sadness there. "Got it."

The mission is easy. As always. They work together perfectly now, so it's never an issue, even with that news on their minds both.

Even after he goes home he's still thinking about it. Even with how he should feel, he still feels no different. What he does worry about is Julius. It affected him much worse, and Ludger can't stop thinking about him.

The next day they have another mission together.


Last edited by sirenangel on Sun Jul 03, 2016 12:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:33 pm

Julius greets him as he normally would. Which is to say, he places a hand on Ludger's back and smiles at him.

"Let's catch our train," he says.

Once they're alone together, he grabs Ludger by his shirt and practically assaults him with a kiss.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:41 pm

Ludger feels his heart melt when he's greeted that way.

The kiss only makes him feel even better, like he's alive again. He throws his arms around Julius and returns the kiss as passionately as he can. When he breaks away to take a breath he smiles. "You made up your mind...?" He sighs, clearly pleased.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:48 pm

"Yes," he says with a small smile. "We've already come this far. And, I love you. More than anything."

Julius hesitates for a moment before he pulls Ludger into a kiss again and he says, "I love you, brother."

Julius did not dwell too long on the inevitable of what will happen once Ludger discovers the rest of the truth.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:53 pm

"I'm so grateful. Honestly." He admits, returning the kiss and staying close to him. "I would do anything for you." He's sure Julius knows that already, but he wants it be said anyways.

"I love you too, brother. So much."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:57 pm

Julius looks down at him and says, "when we first met you said your life was mine. Do you still feel that way?"
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 10:58 pm

He nods firmly in response. "My everything is yours. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Tue Jun 07, 2016 11:02 pm

"Then don't ever forget it," he says, kissing Ludger nodded the forehead. "No matter what happens."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Tue Jun 07, 2016 11:16 pm

Ludger traces a finger over Julius's cheek. "No matter what." He agrees.

--
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 10:51 am

Bisley had wanted their cooperation, but he had never intended for them to take things this far. He supposed he should have seen it coming given Julius' relationship with Rideaux. Regardless, something had to be done. If the news that they were brothers hadn't done it, which in and of itself mortified Bisley, then the rest would have to come out. There was at least a chance one of them would end up dead, a good chance at that, but it was better than allowing this to continue.

Vera stood next to Bisley's desk and adjusted her glasses as she waited for Ludger. She was not eager to be the one to deliver this information but she supposed there was nothing to do. Bisley had made his decision and she would do as she was told. She didn't know the full details but Bisley had simply instructed her to give Ludger information that they had "just discovered" about his past.

She sighed and waited.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:33 am

Another piece of information hidden from him. That much isn't news. He hates how in the dark he's been his whole life, but it's never a surprise to find out someone's lied to him, or lied by omission. It's just how his life has gone these past 20 years. His own mom even hid his family from him--though he would never judge her for it. She did it out of protection, and died far too young to really let him learn anything from her.
He still misses her.

This time is big, Bisley had said. He's absolutely not looking forward to it. He cracks the office doors and comes inside, apprehensive look on his face for once.

"What is it. Vera?"
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:46 am

"Agent Kresnik," she greets him. For once, she hesitates. "The information I have for you today is personal in nature. Please take your time and read through these files."

Vera hands him the files she's been holding on to and exists the room as quickly as she can. With any luck, he won't destroy the entire office and she won't have an exorbitant amount of clean up to do.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 11:55 am

If Vera's hesitating, it's serious.

He takes the files silently, flips through them and stops. There it is. The murder of his mother in the form of a report. Impersonal, detached, like it was just... just another day. And there's his name. Julius Wi Bakur. He should have known. He should have known, he thinks, throwing the files down and clenching his fist tight.

And he knew. Julius knew that whole time, from the second he was told they were brothers. He knew, and he didn't admit it to Ludger's face even once.

All his life he's been planning revenge on the agent. There hadn't been a time after his mother's death he wasn't thinking about it.

He walks out, then, his false smile back on like it would protect him in any way. By luck, or fate, or some terrible kismet, Julius is entering the building for a debrief as well.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:12 pm

"Ludger," Julius greets him with all of the affection in the world for his younger brother. Things had been perfect lately, as perfect as they could be for two people as wretched as them. He reaches to place his hand on his waist as he so often does when he thinks nobody will notice.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:24 pm

His expression is not of disdain, but more complex. More than anything, though, it's disappointment. Pain. He slaps Julius's hand away and stares at him, hand clenched tight enough to break skin.

"I know. I know what you did. I know." He says, his voice cracking. "And don't pretend to not understand because it'll only make me more angry." That would just hurt more, is what he means. Anger... isn't what he's feeling.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:42 pm

It felt like his world was crashing down upon him. In a way, it was.

It was inevitable. That much he had known since he had found out.

But he had hoped he would have had a little more time to enjoy his brother's company before it happened.

"...what now?" Julius asks as calmly as his voice will allow him but it feels raw with emotion even to him.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:48 pm

Ludger rubs his face in thought, heaving a weak sigh.

"Why?" Is all he can choke out. It's taking all his willpower to stop himself from sobbing, but the tears spill out of his eyes anyways, soaking his sleeves as they fall past his hands. "Why did you kill her? Why didn't you just kill me?" His hands drop to his sides.
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