AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:59 pm

"I..." is all Julius can manage to choke out at first.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know why he didn't kill him. He should have. It was unlike him to leave loose ends. A mistake. It had been a mistake. But if he'd never made it, then things wouldn't be like this.

"...I don't know," he finally says. It's the truth. The first truth he's said to Ludger since the first time he said, I love you.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:10 pm

The honesty in the statement only makes it a harder hit. Ludger wipes his tears with a shuddering breath.

"My entire life, I forced myself to stay alive to find him. The person who killed my mom. I lived alone for so, so long. I forced myself to fight and live and all I ever thought about was her dead eyes staring at me that night, the sight of his back leaving... Your back leaving. Yours." He looks to him again, finally, eyes red and still overflowing with tears.

"...Why did it have to be you?" He chokes out, unsheathing his blades.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:20 pm

Julius rests his hands on his blades but he doesn't draw. He doesn't want it to come to this. He desperately wants Ludger to rethink this. Not here, not now. Everything is wrong.

"Don't," is what Julius actually says but what he wishes he could say was, I love you.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:32 pm

He wipes his face again and laughs, a weak, empty laugh.

"Don't what, Julius? As if you have the right to ask that. I could have lived with her. She could have stayed alive and we could have been happy." He knows. He knows that isn't true, not if he's Bisley's son. He would be found eventually that way. But the thought that his mother could have stayed alive even months longer hurts him in a part of him he didn't think could ache. He looks up to him, brow furrowed tight even with the streams of tears still falling from his eyes.

"You should have killed me." He lunges at him then.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:43 pm

Julius doesn't put up a fight but he's also unsure why he's even bothering deflecting the blows at this point. He might as well die, but his instincts won't let him. All he can do is watch Ludger attack him as if through someone else's eyes.

He wishes his instincts would let him die.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:48 pm

Ludger isn't trying. Well, he is and isn't trying--his blows are messy and when they make contact they're easily blocked. It draws a small crowd, though most of the agents and employees stay far back for fear of being hit. It ends very suddenly, when Ludger slightly nicks Julius's face. It's only a little, and the blood is very small, but he drops to his knees anyways, swords clattering to the ground amidst the mumbling of the crowd. All he can do is sob.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:02 pm

Julius kneels down beside him and wraps his arms around him. It's not what he wants, Julius thinks, but it's what he does regardless.

"I'm taking you home," he decides and he's willing to pick him up and carry him if he must.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:08 pm

He's still crying in his arms, but he wraps his own around him tightly, despite what he wishes he had the strength to do. He doesn't even have the strength to stand up, he realizes with a humorless internal laugh. As a sort of weak revenge he wipes his tears on Julius's chest.

They finally reach the apartment Ludger stays in (entirely paid for by Marvin at Ludger's behest) after a period of quiet, tear-filled walking.
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:14 pm

Julius procures the keys from Ludger and pushes his way inside. He lays Ludger on his bed and sits down beside him. There's much to say but perhaps now isn't the time. Perhaps there will never be the time.

Julius smooths Ludger's hair and wipes his face free of tears and looks down at him. His brother. The man he loves. The man who's mother he killed and the man who he left to fend for himself or die.

"I'm sorry."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by sirenangel on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:19 pm

His eyes burn, and his face is tear-streaked still. He feels disgusting. Like he's betrayed his own mother. Even with those feelings he grasps his sleeve, breathing still heavy.

"...promise you won't leave me alone again. Ever." He's nearly begging. His eyes are shut, if only because he's scared of crying even more. "I can't be alone again."
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Re: AU Where Everything Hurts and Nothing is Okay

Post by Axton on Wed Jun 08, 2016 2:31 pm

Julius leans down and kisses him.

"We'll be together forever," he reassures him. "Because your life belongs to me. And I won't let anything happen to you."
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